I’m 31 years old and my wife will be 30 this year. I’ve done some research since we had concerns about conceiving and being pregnant at an older age. There are definitely some negatives to having a baby later in life, but it’s not without some advantages too.
How old is too old to have a baby? For women, age 35 seems to be the magic number where risks start going dramatically up and the chances of conceiving go dramatically down. Would-be dads face fewer issues but still have drawbacks to waiting until later in life to have kids.
Besides just getting pregnant and successfully delivering a baby, there are also other issues like raising your kids to consider as an older parent.
In this article you’ll learn the pros and cons of delaying babies until later in life. Both from your perspective as a parent, as well as for your child. You’ll learn about some of the risks of having a child later in life, and how to reduce those risks.
How Old Is Too Old To Get Pregnant?
Fertility goes down with age
There’s exceptions to every rule. There are plenty of 22 year olds struggling infertility, and women in their 40s who suddenly find themselves pregnant unexpectedly, even if they’re using contraception.
But we can make some broad generalizations based on statistics.
The medically perfect time to have a baby is between the ages of 20 and 24. Even at this age, a woman’s ideal chance of having a baby in any given cycle is only 25%.
An average healthy couple under 30 years old have around a 95% chance of conceiving within their first year of trying.
A woman’s fertility starts to decrease at around age 27.
Every year over 30, the chance of a woman getting pregnant decreased by about 3%. By age 37 it will have decreased significantly.
After a woman turns 40 her chance of conceiving drops to only 5-10%. And by her 45th birthday that chance will fall to under 5%.
Risks increase with age
While fertility goes down with age, the risk of pregnancy complications and miscarriages for women who do conceive goes up.
Women under 30 have early pregnancy losses about 15-20% of the time. That number starts to increase at age 35. By the time a woman is 40, her chances of miscarrying are around 40-50%.
There’s also a higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities like Down syndrome as a woman gets older. When a woman is 35, there’s a 1 in 350 chance that her baby will have Down syndrome. At age 45 that number skyrockets to 1 in 35.
Expectant mothers over 40 are also more at risk for gestational diabetes, stillbirth, preeclampsia, and c-sections.
What Factors Influence A Couple To Wait or Have Kids?
There are four main factors that tend to influence when a couple will have their first kid.
Marital status
In most places, at least 2/3rds of couples are married before they have a baby.
Here in Canada people seem to be switching up the order a bit though, with more and more people choosing to have their baby first and get married later. Or not at all.
Cohabitation
On average, couples live together for almost 5 years before they have a baby.
You’re more likely to have a baby after you buy a house. About 60% of new parents are homeowners.
There’s a sweet spot before the numbers start to take a turn though. Couples who have been together and childless for more than 6 years are more than 8% less likely to ever have a child.
Financial stability
Every extra $1,000 in weekly earnings increases the chance of pregnancy by 1.4% according to one study.
It’s usually the woman’s decision when she is financially stable and happy with her partner enough to start a family.
Age
Nowadays, about a third of mothers and half of fathers are 30 or older before they start having children.
But I See So Many 40+ Year Old Mothers Around!
There are plenty of mothers who are 40 or older walking around with babies, despite the decrease in likelihood of getting pregnant around that age.
Even though a 40 year old woman only has about a 10% chance of conceiving, women of that age make up a significant proportion of the overall population. So there are still lots of 40+ year old women having successful and healthy pregnancies overall.
There may also be more to the picture than meets the eye. Many of these mothers may have undergone fertility treatments, used IVF (in vitro fertilization), or a younger egg donor. Much of the statistics regarding pregnancy complications is specifically tied to the age of a woman’s eggs, not her as a whole.
Does Being Healthy Help Older Would-Be Mothers?
It doesn’t hurt.
Obesity, high blood pressure, or diabetes can make it harder to get pregnant and cause more complications.
But staying healthy isn’t a magic pill that can completely counteract aging either.
The main problem is that every woman is born with a specific number of eggs. Over her lifetime, both the quality and number of those eggs goes down. Your ovaries don’t care how healthy you are or if you run marathons.
Don’t get me wrong. Staying healthy is critical to maximize the chances of conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy. Especially at an older age. But exercise and a healthy diet can’t completely reverse the effects that aging has on a woman’s eggs.
A woman starts life with around 4 million eggs. Each month she loses around 400 eggs. On average she will completely run out of eggs and begin menopause at around age 51.
Very few women are able to conceive over age 50 naturally.
Currently the oldest mother verified to conceive naturally was at age 59. But most women over 50 will need to use egg donation or IVF to have a baby.
Becoming a parent past age 50 is hard for both mothers and fathers. It’s physically hard to cope with the task of raising a baby, child, and eventually a teenager.
What Are Some Risks of Having A Baby Later In Life?
Even if you can still physically get pregnant later in life, it’s worth weighing the risks when deciding if it’s worth it.
Over age 35, women can face issues with pregnancy like:
- Difficulty getting pregnant naturally in the first place
- A greater chance of getting pregnant with multiples (twins, triplets – especially if using IVF.)
- High blood pressure
- Having a miscarriage or stillbirth
- Lower birth weight or premature birth
- Gestational diabetes
- Cesarean delivery
- Down syndrome and other chromosome abnormalities.
You might decide that even with these risks, it’s worth taking the chance. It’s still possible to have a totally healthy pregnancy. But you should start by discussing a possible pregnancy with your doctor. Together you can go over your medical history and get more insight into possible risks.
Prenatal care is even more essential when having a pregnancy at a later age. Be sure to eat well, exercise, and avoid excess weight gain to maximize your chance of a healthy baby. Your doctor may suggest extra ultrasounds, bloodwork, and checkups as well.
What Are The Benefits of Being An Older Dad?
Being a parent is physically more difficult when you’re older. But there are at least a couple of things that you’ve got going in your favor.
You’re more financially stable. You’ve been in your career for a while and you’re likely in a much better financial position than you would have been 5 years or a decade ago.
People also tend to become more responsible with money as they get older. You probably are less likely to be constantly spending money on the latest and greatest gadgets. So paying for diapers and other baby products won’t seem like such a big deal.
You’re more emotionally stable. You’re not going out drinking with the guys every Friday night. You’ve already lived through college and the party life of your younger years and you’re ready to settle down. Heck, I’m usually ready for bed by 10 pm most nights.
You probably also just have better control over emotions in general. You’re less likely to get easily upset or make rash decisions that you’ll regret.
Alternatives To Natural Conception
You and your partner probably see yourself making your baby the old-fashioned way. She’ll carry the baby in her womb and go through labor.
But what if you try to get pregnant for a couple of years consistently and still aren’t having any luck? Luckily there’s other ways to follow through on your dreams of becoming a parent.
Using a surrogate, egg donor, or sperm donor. The first step if you’re having difficulty conceiving will be to visit the doctor and see who is having the fertility issues.
If it’s your wife or girlfriend that’s having trouble, you might want to consider using a surrogate or an egg donor. Doctors can implant your partner’s egg into a surrogate mother, or another woman’s egg into her womb. Surrogacy laws vary by country and state, so check the laws in your area first.
Adoption. There are already plenty of children in the world who are looking for a permanent home. Kids come in all ages and from all backgrounds in the adoption system.
There are a few different ways to adopt a child. You can use adoption agencies within your own country. Or you can adopt internationally from countries like China and Russia, although this can often be quite costly.
The other option is to become a foster parent and eventually end up adopting a child out of the foster care system.
How To Increase Your Chances of A Healthy Baby
A healthy baby starts with pre-conception checkups and counseling. Before deciding to have a baby, it’s really important to visit your doctor for a checkup to make sure you’re healthy. Be sure you’re emotionally ready to handle pregnancy and raising a baby as well.
As a dad. The majority of your part during pregnancy is done when you do the deed. So it’s important that your sperm are as healthy as possible before having kids.
New research is showing that dads pass on more than just genetics in their sperm, but also something called epigenetics, which is how genes are programmed to express themselves.
If you’re overweight, that information is actually coded into your sperm and the consequences can be passed down to children. That’s one reason why children with overweight parents will be overweight themselves. But you can pass on other characteristics as well such as stress levels, anxiety, and sleep patterns.
For expecting moms. The process is a lot more in-depth after conception. Regular prenatal care starting early in your pregnancy can drastically increase your chances of having a healthy baby and a safe pregnancy. Especially for women over age 35.
Women should have regular exams and screenings. As well as childbirth and pregnancy education, and extra support and counseling as needed.
All of these tools let your doctor predict and stay ahead of potential health conditions. Among other things, your partner’s doctor will regularly check their urine for protein and sugar (potentially a sign of preeclampsia), their blood glucose levels, and their blood pressure. The earlier that problems are caught, the faster they can be treated.
Prenatal vitamins. All women of childbearing age should really be taking a daily prenatal vitamin, regardless if they plan to get pregnant in the near future or not.
Make sure your prenatal vitamins have at least 400 micrograms (mcg) of folic acid. Getting enough folic acid is especially critical during the first three months of pregnancy while your baby’s spinal cord and brain are developing.
How much folic acid is too much? You shouldn’t take more than 1,000 mcg (1,000 mcg = 1 mg (milligram)) unless your doctor advises you to. For women who have a history of children with neural tube defects, doctors may prescribe as much as 4,000 mcg.
Eat a healthy diet. A well-balanced and healthy diet with lots of variety is best for your baby. To get all the nutrients you need, choose a wide range of vegetables, fruits, beans, lean meats, whole grains, and dairy products.
Pregnant women should get at least 4 servings of dairy and other foods that are high in calcium each day. It will ensure their bones and teeth stay healthy while their baby is developing.
Leafy greens are a fantastic source of folic acid, as well as many other vitamins and minerals. Other foods with good folic acid content include liver (if you can stomach it), dried beans, and some kinds of citrus fruits.
Gain the right amount of weight. You don’t want to gain too much or too little weight during pregnancy, so it can be a bit of a balancing act.
Women starting off at a normal BMI should gain 25-35 pounds during their pregnancy.
If you were overweight at the beginning of your pregnancy you might not to gain as much weight. Overweight women only need to gain around 15-25 pounds. And obese women only need to gain around 11-20 pounds.
Putting on the right amount of weight will reduce the risk of a preterm birth and lowers the chance of your baby growing slowly. Not putting on too much weight also lowers the risk of complications with your pregnancy like high blood pressure or gestational diabetes.
Keep exercising. If you already had an exercise plan, keep it up. If you weren’t exercising much before, now is a great time to start.
Check with your doctor to get your exercise program reviewed and make sure it’s okay. They’ll most likely say yes, because most normal exercise routines are fine to keep doing through pregnancy. But if you do more intense forms of workouts you might need to modify your routine or scale back a bit.
Regular exercise will help keep you at a healthy weight during your pregnancy, lower your stress levels, and keep you strong.
Don’t smoke or drink. Don’t smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol during your pregnancy. For most people this is pretty common sense nowadays since we’re told more about the risks.
Smoking puts your baby more at risk for a lower birth rate, which is already more common in older moms. Smoking also puts you at risk for preeclampsia. Smoking during pregnancy can also cause asthma and other problems for your child later in life.
Make sure dad stops smoking too!
Drinking alcohol during pregnancy will put your baby at risk for a whole range of physical and mental defects that you want to avoid.
Medications. Get your doctor to review your medications and make sure they’re safe to take during pregnancy. And also during breastfeeding. This includes prescribed things like blood pressure medication and anxiety medication. Be sure to mention any over-the-counter medicine you’re taking as well, including natural remedies and supplements.
What’s The Best Age To Have A Baby?
Late teens to early twenties
It really depends what you mean by “best.” There are different factors to consider. And it might be impossible to get the best of everything all at once.
In terms of biology, late teens and early twenties are the best years to have a baby. A woman’s eggs are still fresh and her reproductive system is operating at peak capacity.
Women that fall into this age range are less likely to have developed chronic health problems yet which might put their pregnancy at risk. They also have the lowest rates of infertility, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, and miscarriage.
So from a physical perspective, it’s better to have your baby young.
But in today’s society, having an early pregnancy doesn’t work so well. Today families are smaller and there’s less support than in the past. Plus women are far more likely to be employed full-time than a few generations ago.
It can be harder for younger parents to deal with all of the different pressures of taking care of a baby. Having children at younger ages is more likely to happen before marriage and interfere with college or university.
That means young parents often need to put their own goals and aspirations on hold to take care of their new baby, which often puts them at a disadvantage for the rest of their life.
Early twenties
Even having a child in your early twenties can be a strain. Even if you’ve got a college degree and are married by that time.
Having a baby at 21 seemed reasonable a couple generations ago. But people are more likely to look down upon younger parents in today’s age. Especially younger moms.
Having a baby early can be socially ostracizing for both new moms and dads. While their friends are off at grad school or getting wasted every weekend, they’re at home taking care of their baby.
Young parents need to mature faster out of necessity. It’s not uncommon for friendships to gradually fall apart when a baby comes between you and you don’t share all that much in common any more.
So it’s clear that the best biological age to have a baby isn’t in line with the best sociological age.
Late twenties and early thirties
This is arguably the best overall range to have your first child.
One study found that in terms of the lowest rate of birth defects and infant mortality, the best age to have your first baby is at 26. A different study declares an even older best age at 32.
But what about what’s best for the mother? Women who have their first baby at age 29 tend to feel better later in life on average. Including being more fit, energetic, and reporting less physical ailments.
Moms who had their first baby at age 30 tend to have less aches and pains. And moms who had their first child at 34 had the least chronic diseases.
Altogether, having your child at 31 seemed to be best for a mother’s overall long-term physical wellbeing.
Parents in this age range also just tend to have their “life figured out” better than earlier parents. They’re likely in a loving long-term relationship with stable careers. One study in the US found that a woman’s earnings go up 9% for every year that she puts off having a baby.
They also have more experience. They’ve had a chance to see the world and grow as a person. There’s good evidence that older parents make wiser parenting decisions overall and are better at educating their children than young parents.
The downside is that it starts to get harder to run around after toddlers when you’re 35 instead of in your early 20s. But your kids will still be at least 30 themselves by the time you retire, which isn’t too bad.
The Effects of Older Parents On Kids
Disadvantages
Forget about the effects of being an older parent on yourself and your partner for a while. What will the effects be on your child?
We know that having kids older puts them more at risk for conditions like autism. But assume your child is perfectly healthy.
Older parents can have an impact on your child’s social life and how they learn to interact with others.
As an older parent, it might be harder for you to form bonds with other parents of kids in your child’s class and playgroups. If you’re a decade older, there might not be as much you have in common with them and find yourself on your own more often. That’s something your kid will likely pick up on.
Your child will also have to deal with any stigma associated with having older parents. They’ll feel different from their peers. They’ll often get asked if you’re their dad or their grandpa, which can make them feel embarrassed, ashamed, and self-conscious.
As a parent you’ll have less energy for sports. If you have your kids late enough, even a simple game of catch in the backyard might be too much.
Children born to older parents also often face medical and emotional responsibilities with their parents sooner than their peers. An older parent’s health is more likely to decline sooner, leaving kids to help out earlier and also have a fear of their parents dying sooner.
Advantages
Being a child with older parents has its benefits too.
Children who have older parents often feel more wanted and play a bigger part in their parent’s lives. They receive lots of attention and feel more loved. Partly because older parents are able to spend more time with their kids.
Having more financially secure older parents means kids will have a more economically stable life as well. They might get to travel more, go to better schools, and have other opportunities that younger parents might not be able to financially provide for their kids.
Older parents seem to also be less easily stressed out by parenting issues or work. They’re overall more relaxed and stable. Older parents also have lower divorce rates.
Conclusion
When are you too old to have a baby?
Biologically there are the least complications with pregnancies for mothers in their early twenties or younger. But today’s society makes it hard to have the stability and resources to raise a child that young.
People are waiting later and later to conceive. In general that’s not a problem. It’s not uncommon to conceive in your early thirties.
Around age 35 the chance of conceiving starts to go down, and the risks associated with pregnancy start to go up. So the “sweet spot” for having your first child seems to be between your late twenties and mid-thirties. It likely provides a good balance between ease of conception, health risks, career and relationship stability, maturity, and other factors.
But with today’s technology it’s not that uncommon for women to have babies even in their forties. You may need to use IVF or other fertility treatments to help, but for the most part your ability to have a baby is limited much more by your desire than your age.
Regardless of your age, your first stop should be your doctors office if you’re thinking of having a baby. Both for would-be dads and moms alike. A doctor can help evaluate any risks and create a plan for a healthy pregnancy.
What do you think is the best age to have your first baby?